When Doubt Settles In
As soon as the sap in our sugar maples started flowing and the ice all around us began to thaw, I got swept away with the euphoria that the end of winter inevitably brings. It happens every year, but that euphoria never lasts. Spring has a way of unfolding herself slowly - she comes on strong and then quickly backs away. Last week, as soon as we tapped our maples, the winds picked up, the frigid temperatures returned - and with them all my doubts settled in.
I’m sure it’s just a matter of days before spring comes back for good – but this year nothing is really what it seems, and I can’t help but wonder - what if, in this topsy turvy world, winter just decides to stay?
Our ewes sure look pregnant- but what if they aren’t? What if our ram was busy doing other things and simply forgot to breed? What would spring be like without any lambs at all? Would it really be spring?
Our sow is definitely getting bigger - in fact she’s huge. But what if she isn’t really pregnant? What if she’s just been overeating and getting super fat? What will spring be like if there aren’t any piglets to chase the lambs around? How could that possibly be spring?
As the days get longer, our hens are laying a few more eggs, but our farmers market will be here soon, and we’re going to need a lot more than just a few. We purchased 100 baby chicks in January, and they should start laying too. But what if someone at the hatchery screwed up and we’ve just lovingly raised, and carefully moved, 100 little roosters into our coop?
What if our shiitake logs didn’t make it through this last freeze, and what if our sleeping mushroom yard doesn’t ever wake up again? What if our secret patch of chanterelles decided to move to somewhere new?
What if all the bird songs I’ve been hearing aren’t really what they seem? What if that redwing black bird was just passing through and the barred owl was really singing “Oh how it sucks to be you”
“Patience!” I tell myself – “and have a little faith!”
The days are longer, the sun is stronger, and spring is surely on her way.
The skunk cabbage is already pushing its way up through the frozen swamp – and our bluebirds will undoubtably be back soon.
If What
If what worries us turns out to be just short of nothing
If what confuses us is simply a puzzle to solve
If what challenges us strengthens our resilience
If what delights us is in endless supply
If what calms us is treasury to share
If what surprises us heightens our awareness
If what stirs our longing is the marriage of wonder and memory
If what tests our patience teaches us that the bluebird of happiness almost always returns
Then what?
Remember, Faith does not make things easy, but it does make things possible.
You will be joyful this week with the rising temps and sun shining, I feel the change in my old bones. Time to get ready for some piglets and lambs dancing in the meadow.